I watched the movie Miss You Already (with Drew Barrymore) last night. It’s a good movie, a tear jerker. Of course anything with Drew Barry more is great, right?!
Well, there was a scene in the movie that hit me hard. It was the part when she decided to shave her head (sorry for the spoiler) and watching that scene I felt like I had swallowed a cement block and it was pressing against my heart. I remember that moment, the moment when I knew I needed to go ahead and shave my head. It was devastating. I know it sounds silly, it’s just hair, but for a cancer patient your hair is a symbol of strength and every time you feel a handful of hair in your hand it’s like a piece of your strength is being stripped away. Your hair makes you feel whole because your body is so weak and feels like it is failing you, killing you. So making the decision to shave your head is painful.
For me it was a devastating blow to my heart. I was standing in the bathroom and I leaned down and another clump of hair fell onto the floor. I stood up and the tears were falling and I didn’t even realize I was crying. But I must have been sobbing because my daughter’s dad walked in and asked me what was wrong. I just pointed to the floor. Then I looked at him and asked him to shave my head. I don’t think I will forget the look of fear in his eyes. He wasn’t prepared for that, but he slowly asked if I was sure and then agreed to do it.
The sound of the shears was so loud in my ears but it was almost a blur. He was shaving my head and placing the long strands in a bag when my daughter walked in. She looked up at us and grabbed the hair out of the bag and started reaching up saying put it back. I cried like I had NEVER cried before. I’m crying now thinking of it. I hugged her tightly and whispered I was sorry over and over again.
Then I had to walk out and face my young son. I had put a towel on my head so I could tell him first but he knew and he looked scared. So I told him I had shaved my head but that I would wear a wig or a scarf and told him not to be scared. He turned away because he was starting to cry. Lord, help me, I didn’t and still don’t understand why my children had to go through this. They are innocent and didn’t deserve to be hurt.
Well, I’m crying now so I will wrap this up. If you have a loved one who is going through chemo, watch the movie. Try to relate. It’s not just hair when you have no choice but to shave it off.
God bless, and be blessed.