Getting a divorce is normally not an easy time in anyone’s life, but it’s so much harder when children are involved. Part of the reality of divorce is the eventual blending of families.
Unless the parents decide to never commit to another person, there will be significant others that will one day be a part of the children’s lives. That can be a hard transition for parents. No one wants to feel replaced. No one wants to feel that another man or woman will now be mom or dad. And unfortunately some couples put parenting aside and focus on the negative, sometimes hate, of the failed relationship and don’t remember that being parents is the most important aspect of that former relationship. The end of the couple doesn’t end their role as mom and dad.
I am statistic. I have divorced. I have a blended family. And it wasn’t easy, it’s still not. There are still struggles, and I make mistakes. But I’m trying. I try because I love my children and I don’t want to be bitter or make them think that my failure is their failure. I want them to be open to love, happiness, and new experiences. I want their experiences to be theirs and not totally based the stigma of divorce and a broken home. My failed marriage is not their destiny.
I’ve been through many girlfriends – my ex-husband’s girlfriends that is. There have been some doozies, but fortunately he has found a keeper – and I like her. Not that my opinion matters, but it makes me feel better that he’s found a good one. She’s a part of our child’s life so I have a vested interest in who he brings around.
So, over the past year we have shared meals, holidays, and various family gatherings. It’s nice that we can move beyond the divorce and be co-parents. We can accept each other as adults, as family, and to some degree as friends. We can respect each other. We can move forward with the knowledge that we do what we do for our children because we love them and want the very best for them.
I know I am blessed because I am finally in a place where I can be happy about a blended family. I am blessed because my ex has finally put his anger and hatred on the back burner and doesn’t drive all of his actions. I am blessed because our child can see us act civilized around each other and doesn’t have to feel that his is in the middle or has to choose sides.
Blended families aren’t easy. It takes work. Maybe more work than we ever expected. But, we do what we have to do to make the relationships positive. We do what we can to make the most out of our circumstances. We grow up, we grow apart, we grow together. We grow.
God bless, and be blessed.